to be alive is to be [broken].

God has been taking me on a journey of what it means to be broken.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned this summer is that I am broken, weak, and inadequate. I've always tried to be strong and independent, but I am realizing just how little I really can do on my own. This summer has consisted of many cycles for me- it starts with life being lonely, dull, frustrating, and just simply low, but then I realize that realize I need to turn to God and surrender to Him. So I being to lean on Him, rather than myself, and slowly things become brighter and the incline begins. But then when things are going well- I start to rely on myself again. And thats when the cycle begins again with yet another period of low. You would think I would learn the lesson, right? But as I said, [I am broken].

And through all of this God just says to me- "Kelly, you don't have to please me. You don't have to do the work. I've done it all and I will continue to do it. In fact, you cant. Only I can. I love you and this is how I show you my love."

It really hit me today when I was reading in Ephesians: "We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose His temper and do away with a whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, He embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did this all on His own...All we do is trust Him enough to let Him do it. It's God's gift form start to finish! We don't play the major role...No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving." [Ephesians 2:3-10]

My God, my Dad, my Savior reached down and embraced me! And its only because He just loved me that much that He couldn't help it.

I am an irritable, moody, impatient, jealous, cynical, weak, and broken person. But its ok. Because where I am weak- I am my strongest and I am alive. Because as Brennen Manning wrote, "To be alive is to be broken and to be broken is to stand in need of grace."