God met me last weekend.

“Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead. Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go.”

I have [seen].

I am –responsible-

And this is where the struggle within me comes.

I don’t know stories anymore- I have friends. I have brothers and sisters. I see faces. I feel their pain. I have a nine-year old friend in Johannesburg- he is full of life and energy, a beautiful boy worthy of so much love. But his mother doesn’t feel that way. His mother can’t even remember to pick him up afterschool. I have another friend in Zambia- a beautiful 5 year old boy. He has a blank stare that hides more pain and despair than I will ever know.

But here I am- in Grove City, PA. I am not there. I cannot hug them. I cannot hold them. I cannot tell them that I love them.

This is my struggle. God has called me here, but my flesh wants to be there.

This weekend, God met me head-on in this struggle. My heart was broken for what seems like the millionth time. I spent hours creating a walkway in my school filled with pictures, stories, and statistics like these:

One child dies every 5 seconds from preventable diseases.

Approximately [15 million children under 18] have lost one or both parents to AIDS.

Nearly one million people die every year from malaria, most of these children younger than 5 years old.

I spent the day in tears- but for the first time these tears were not purely for these children and their stories. I was overwhelmed by the relentless and tender compassion of God- of Jesus Christ. I saw people broken, in tears, for their brothers and sisters around the world. I saw people seeking and desiring to act. And most of all, I saw walls crashing down around people’s hearts- leaving room for the Heavenly Father to enter in and bring His compassion.

I heard God’s gentle whisper saying to me:

“Kelly, there is no division between what you have seen and where you are right now. I have sons and daughters hurting and dying here- where you are. Show them my hope. Show them my compassion. The pain that you feel is not yours- it comes from me. It comes from my broken heart, in anguish for my children. And right now my heart is also breaking for these people- for the father down the street that can’t feed his children, for the teenager scared to tell her parents she’s pregnant, for the woman cleaning your bathrooms who has never been told about My love…they are crying out. The world is hurting- the children in Africa and the people in front of your eyes. Feed my sheep.”

God met me- in my pride, selfishness, and pain.

I am here- for a purpose, a perfect purpose from my Heavenly Daddy.

And again, I hear with new meaning the words- “Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead.”

Home...

I'm homesick...

I've been back in PA for two months now and I've spent time at my new house, my dad's house, my house in maryland, friend's houses yet there is a longing within me no matter where I seem to be. In two weeks I will in my car, driving back to Grove City for another semester of school and I have a strong confidence that my longing still won't be fulfilled. I am longing for a place that I have never seen.

When I think about the times I have felt at home in the past two months, I think about walks in a park, drives down the highway, sitting by a lake, or running through a field...locations with no meaning in my life- except they were places that I met God and He reminded me that my home is Him.

Peter wrote to us "Friends, this world is not your home, don't make yourselves cozy in it." And Jesus told us also, ["Make yourselves at home in my love. If you keep my commands, you'll remain intimately at home in my love." ]

I dont belong here. We don't belong here. We weren't made to feel at home in this world. We were made to feel at home when we are curled up in the arms of the great loving Father who loves us, forgives us, sees us, and knows us inside and out. I still get frustrated and sometimes just plain angry because life just seems to cry out for more. And there is more. There is a kingdom filled with acceptance, overflowing grace, laughter, singing, dancing, people unafraid to be real, extended arms, welcoming comfy couches, and simply love.

...That is Home.

And that is where we belong.

Let us remember that we aren't meant to be at home on this physical earth. "God, make us find our home in You."

to be alive is to be [broken].

God has been taking me on a journey of what it means to be broken.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned this summer is that I am broken, weak, and inadequate. I've always tried to be strong and independent, but I am realizing just how little I really can do on my own. This summer has consisted of many cycles for me- it starts with life being lonely, dull, frustrating, and just simply low, but then I realize that realize I need to turn to God and surrender to Him. So I being to lean on Him, rather than myself, and slowly things become brighter and the incline begins. But then when things are going well- I start to rely on myself again. And thats when the cycle begins again with yet another period of low. You would think I would learn the lesson, right? But as I said, [I am broken].

And through all of this God just says to me- "Kelly, you don't have to please me. You don't have to do the work. I've done it all and I will continue to do it. In fact, you cant. Only I can. I love you and this is how I show you my love."

It really hit me today when I was reading in Ephesians: "We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose His temper and do away with a whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, He embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did this all on His own...All we do is trust Him enough to let Him do it. It's God's gift form start to finish! We don't play the major role...No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving." [Ephesians 2:3-10]

My God, my Dad, my Savior reached down and embraced me! And its only because He just loved me that much that He couldn't help it.

I am an irritable, moody, impatient, jealous, cynical, weak, and broken person. But its ok. Because where I am weak- I am my strongest and I am alive. Because as Brennen Manning wrote, "To be alive is to be broken and to be broken is to stand in need of grace."

Slow down and sit for a while...

Life is busy here.

It's been a gradual increase since I've gotten back into life in America. But its felt like this week it has just come at me full speed. Work, school, visiting friends, cleaning around the house...it's just draining. And its not that I don't like those things- ok so maybe not the Chemistry class part- but it all just seems to be on turbo speed. Things go by schedule and appointment. Work is 9-3. Class starts at 8. I have lunch with someone at 12:45...

I miss the life of going minute by minute without busy schedules and time limits. I miss the African days when I could have a conversation with someone without having to worry about being late for something else....I miss walks to pick avocados, chats while sitting in the kitchen, quiet times sitting outside, I even miss two hour long dinner preparations of talking and fellowshipping.

I miss a culture that values community.

America is fast- fast food, high-speed internet, on-demand television....and so on....

Why have we come to value efficiency more than relationships? I feel like this is a broken record of what so many people have said before...but things just keep on becoming faster and faster...

I was at the grocery store today- being overwhelmed and over stimulated- and I realized something at the deli counter. While I was waiting for my turn, the lady before me placed her order. She placed her order directly after the "hello" that the man behind the counter gave. And I thought to myself that I don't know if that man would know what to do if instead of going directly to my need, I replied to him by saying "Hello. How are you?" So I told myself that I would make it a point to break the mold. And then after waiting five minutes, my turn came, I had already forgotten my resolution and after the quick polite "hello" I went straight to placing my order.

I am being sucked back in. And I hate it.

I am praying for my values to continually be replaced with God and His Kingdom values. It's not about one culture that has it right versus another. It's about the fact that we are all screwed up and we need to ask God to show us how to bring His Kingdom culture to this earth- where people will ask how the other is doing before ordering lunch meat for their families.

...continuing on the journey in America

So I back in the good 'ol USA- and I am homesick for South Africa.

I am going to keep this blog- I dont know if anyone reads it but I trust God will put it in the hands of anyone He wants to see it : )

I miss Africa. America- land of busy lives, distraction, technology, individualism, and possessions...and yet this is where God has called me right now. I am supposed to have missed this world. Yet I long to be back in a place where I feel free and full of purpose...

I miss my ZamFam. I miss my children.

God has been teaching me alot since being back. Over the past year He has continued to tell me to [Seek]. And when I seek Him with all that I have, I will find Him in unimaginable ways. So I have been struggling to keep seeking here. I have been trying to seek Him while being back as a camp counselor, taking Chemistry, spending time with my family, relaxing by myself...and so on. And to be honest- I still am struggling to find Him all the time.

...but I know I will. I guess this is where faith comes in. Faith- relying on God not when things are straightforward and easy, but when you feel like you are in the dark with no one to turn to. That is where faith comes in.

And that is where I am on my journey...

...seek first His Kingdom....

I love it here : )

I am not a city girl at all but I have loved my week at the Joseph Project here in Jo-burg so far. In the mornings we have been working on preparing presentations about human trafficking to take to schools in the area. And then in the afternoons during the afterschool program, I am working in the "seedlings" class and I love it : ) Those kids are just great and its only been a few days. I can't think about saying bye to them in a week. It's crazy the difference when you can actually talk to the kids you are working with....

Today I signed up to do the devo for our family here. God really put it on my heart to talk about something He has been teaching me lately. For the past few weeks He has been showing me what it means to have a "Kingdom view." He has been challenging me to look beyong the physical, earthly world and see His kingdom.

God has called us all to bring His Kingdom to this world. Heaven isn't a world to look forward to...its a world in the here and now.

His Kingdom is fillled with laughter, joy, peace, love, grace, unity, fellowship....so that is what we are called to be makers of on this earth.

My heart has been breaking while preparing presenations to warn kids about human trafficking. It breaks even more when I think about the fact that many of the kids here that will be trafficked will have better living conditions than before they were trafficked. How sick and wrong can this world get? This world needs His kingdom desperately.

We need peace....and we need love...

We need hope.

I've fallen in love....

So my heart has been captured....

.....by some adorable and incredible children in Zambia : ) Yes, I was pretty much about to fit them into my suitcase but one of my leaders told us that kidnapping is against the rules- darn. They were some of the sweetest kids I have ever met. One little boy, who lived near a youth camp we ran, was known as "Kelly's boy" because he basically followed me every where I went and even looked from me at 6 AM the morning after I left : (

The past month was an amazing experience! In one month we helped run an orphan school, worked at a youth camp, painted pictures on classroom walls, took meals to prisoners in jail, prayed for people in a clinic, spent a night in a village only able to be accessed by boat, and climbed the SECOND longest waterfall in the continent of Africa!! It was so awesome and the lake where we stayed was one of the most beautiful places Ive ever been in my entire life.

Yesterday we got to Jo-burg where we will be for the next two weeks. Today we went for a prayer walk around the city and walked specifically around the stadium where the World Cup games will be held. I love the ministry here. It is going to be a great two weeks : )

I love you guys and miss you. Keep praying for me...I am praying for you : )

LECTURE PHASE IS OVER!!

Hey everyone : ) Here is some of whats been going on in this past week. I just want to let you all know that this is going to be my last blog for a while. Our team leaves on Tuesday for Zambia! Please keep us in your prayers for the next two months. I know God is going to do great things! I love you guys and have a great next two months!

April 8, 2010

It’s been a week of putting things into action…the beginning of taking the steps. This is our last week of lecture and after four days of class, our teacher, Fiona, still hasn’t opened up her class materials. Fiona told us at the beginning of the week that the material was us. She spent a lot of time looking over all the notes we’ve taken since we got her and she concluded that we have a lot of head knowledge. But we need to take it and put it into our hearts. Our class lives in isolation. We live in isolation but we long for unity and intimacy. We keep talking about it, but Fiona was the first to give us the nudges that we needed. We went from our normal class time of sitting in awkward silence when a teacher asks a question to all speaking out and sharing our thoughts. One word that really struck me in the beginning of the week was [speak]. We all have thoughts and we need to share. Again, we need to share. And I learned that need to open my mouth and share my thoughts.

This morning our leader Brittany told us all to pray about how we should start the morning. We prayed but then when Brittany asked us what we heard from God, we all sat and stared silently and awkwardly, saying that we heard nothing. Fiona then told us flat out that she didn’t believe us. She told us to pray again and that afterwards we were going to share. And next thing you know, we all were talking and sharing J And after that, we then had an over two hour time of worship, free communication with God- if that even explains it. God showed up and it rocked. And I don’t expect it to be the last time.

This week was also our last time to go to the communities L So yesterday I had to go to my home in Mbonisweni for the last time. But it was an incredible afternoon. I spent the afternoon with a small group of amazing young girls- one who I pretty much fell in love with. Her name was Sandra and she was just a beautiful girl J A few of us also did a song, skit, and then colored in small groups with the kids. It was great to feel even more involved and to have even more of a personal connection. So it was hard to have to say goodbye….but it means Zambia is coming!

April 9, 2010

So my lecture phase is officially over. But it ended in an awesome way J Last night we just had a time or processing and just responding to God. We had different symbols and a wooden cross in the middle of the room. We all individually prayed and asked God how He wanted us to respond to what he taught us this week. I think we all were definitely moved and convicted J Today we spent time leading our own worship time and then we had creative expression, making collages of what we look like. It was pretty sweet J Its been an awesome week but now we are all pretty restless for outreach!!!

March 27, 2010

This week has changed incredibly since the beginning of the week. To be honest- it started with a lot of frustrations and irritation. We had a lot of tension and disunity within our group. But God is ironic- it was “relationship” week. For the first two days we watched a video series on relationships. It was good but nothing like the last three days when we had a speaker from the Texas team now on base. Our speaker was the man who is pastoral overseer of Ten Thousand Homes. He talked a lot about how incredibly important relationship and unity is to God. Yes…I have heard that many times before but it really changed my entire view. We know that love is how we show Christ but that means that our relationships with people and our unity within the Church show our relationship with Christ. We learned about being transparent to others, confronting others, and what forgiveness really means. And the amazing thing was that as we learned this week, I could see it all being put into practice J We went to Dwaleni this week for the last time L It was sad because we didn’t realize it was the last time until we had left so I didn’t really get to say goodbye to my friends. I made a great friend named Nolwazi who I spent time with each week and even wrote me notes every time that I came. Its getting sad to start having to say goodbye to people. Today we went to Iris for possibly the last time. It was a tough day. My little group of three dug about 20 holes for fence posts and then worked on the wire going on the fences. It was super hot and tiring but even with all that, I still had energy to play with the kids before we left J

April 1, 2010

I feel at home. This Sunday I went to Pastor Stambiso’s Church in Mbonisweni- where I lived for a week. Going back felt like going home. I love it there and I love the feeling of belonging. It’s a great feeling to know that your home can consist of more than one place- even on different continents. We have had an interesting week because our teaching was actually cancelled for the week. After all of the teaching on relationships, we as students and the staff were convicted of a lot and there were many things brought to our mind that we needed to confront. Our speaker for the week is staff here and he decided teaching us would mean he wouldn’t be giving his all because of that, so we have had a lot of down time- which has been very needed actually. Yesterday we had a “family meeting” where the staff and students just sat and talked about things that needed to get out in the open and be dealt with concerning our relationships with each other. So we sat in a giant circle and just talked for a couple hours. It felt really like a family meeting.

We have also had some closure this week. Monday night we had a bonfire to close off our Identity week from a long time ago that never worked out before. We each stood in front of everyone, threw our old masks in the fire, declared our new names and what God showed us in that week, and received a plaque with our names and a verse on it. I wish I could explain how amazed and proud I felt watching my family declare their new names and seeing even after a few weeks how they have really started to become them. I am proud of my family and so excited of what God is going to do in our outreach. We were able to share the bonfire and many other experiences with a team here from Texas. We are pretty much in love with their group J They made us a full out Texas breakfast this morning and have shared their pictures and experiences with us. It’s just so amazing how close you can feel to people after only two weeks. They also shared in our “giving night” last night. We had a night where we put up on a white board how much people still needed to pay for their outreach dues. Then we simply worshipped while praying and handing in pieces of paper with amounts we wanted to give and to whom. Over $3,500 was given! It was a humbling experience to see how much God can work when you take him out of the box we put Him in.

Many meals of pap, nights of leaky ceilings, and 500 giraffes later....

Meet my new sister and nephew : )

....and welcome to my house for the week.

Last week I spent six days and five nights with a family in the community of Mbonisweni. My family was made up of a father (I never really officially met him), a mother (Susan), their 21 year old daughter (Sandile), and her three year old son (Ryan). I was expecting an extremely challenging week of very tiring days, many confusing moments, and even many needed times of learning patience. While I did have some of that, more than any other feeling, I left with the overwhelming sense that I had a new sister who, although she was from an entirely different culture and way of living, was very much just like me…

It would be hard for me to write about everything that happened throughout the entire week so I am just going to just put up many pictures and list some of the random things that stuck out from my stay:

• My night of making 500 orange beaded giraffes from 7:00 PM until 2:00 the next afternoon at the Church consisting of: random sleeping on mattresses on the ground, having it rain so hard we were unable to hear each other and then having to move every table because streams of water were pouring through the roof, and doing all this while watching one of the guys pretty much propose to Kacy

After staying at the Church all night....not tired at all of course

...now imagine 500 of these

• Learning to become an African women:

o Fetching water and pushing the wheelbarrow back as my skirt falls off, making dinners of pap, pap, and more pap, eating chicken feet from a stand on the side of the road, watching “Generations”- the South African soap opera that the entire country stops to watch, walking 30 minutes each way to get potatoes from the stand off the road, learning to dance as an African by watching the same music videos over and over and over again, and learning to bathe African style with simply a tub of hot water…

My kitchen- notice our "stove" and lack of many things found in our kitchens

Our sink- similar to the tubs used for bathing

Our typical meal of chicken, beans, pap, and cabbage

Our walk to fetch water- the green tub off in the distance is where the water is

My bathroom- where many times I would be going to the bathroom while hearing and seeing through the door children right outside

• Playing with all the neighbors in the yard until it simply gets too dark to see anything and then everyone taking a quick break to eat dinner before they all came back to watch “Generations” in Sandile’s bedroom

The view from our backyard : )

• Being confused alot like...going to what we thought was a Church service Saturday morning only to be there for two hours and they say we are stopping for a break before we come back for the second session…..what?? Oh wait this is normal in Africa….

• Sitting in our room for hours because we simply had no idea what was going on and what we were supposed to be doing…

• Laying in bed at night with Marcella and Sandile while eating yogurt, playing new games, watching soaps, and talking about life J

I went into my community stay with a stereotype in my mind about “African life.” And I realized at the end of the week that yes, we live differently and don’t do things the same but àlife is lifeß. My new sister Sandile had the same fears, desires, and dreams in a big picture way that I do. She was an only child who was lonely a lot of times and who wanted a friend, or as she got this past week, two sisters to listen to her and share with her. The week was nothing like I expected but God made it even better than my own expectations.

My new sisters : )

*This morning we are leaving for our community stays- we will be staying in pairs in a child-headed household from now (Tuesday) until Sunday. If you could just keep us in your prayers for the week : )

March 11, 2010

Yesterday was the first day of the feeding program at Mboisweni! We fed about 80 children and it was a really awesome and fun day J We waited for about an hour and a half for any kids to even show up-with our entire base at the Church. But when they started to come we swarmed them and showed them some fun! We had face paint, water balloons, and a sweet mural that we had the kids put their hand prints on. There might have been just as many of us with paint on our faces as kids and there might have been more water thrown between us than the kids but hey we had fun J Today we went to Dwaleni like usual. And…we had enough food for most of the kids to have seconds!! The past couple of weeks we have run out of food and it is heartbreaking to watch those children walk away hungry. So we were praying hard that there would be enough food this week and there was! Yay J

March 14, 2010

This week….I don’t really even know how to explain it. It was emotional, challenging, and basically rocked everything my life has been built on. It was identity week. After the masks, we also made outlines of our bodies and wrote on the outside all the lies and names that have been said to us that dictate who we have become. Then on the inside we wrote things that our family here told us- things that they see in us that we might not see. We hung our bodies up on the wall in our classroom- seen by our entire family here. In the middle of our bodies we drew a heart. And all week our heart was left empty. Thursday morning- supposed to be our last morning- we talked about how God loves and delights to give new names to his children. So we were told to go outside and ask God what name He wanted to give us. We were to ask Him what He looks at us and sees.

Then…the hot seat came. After hearing our new names we all came inside to our chairs in a circle with a pile of pillows in the middle. We were told that one by one we were to kneel in the circle, “reach out our hands,” and share our new name. There is a story of a man in need of healing who comes to Jesus and asks to be healed. But while he asks, he extends his hand to show his need and vulnerability. So we had to go one-by-one and reach out our hands. We were exposed and stripped from all the masks that we hide behind. And we sat vulnerable in the middle of the circle as we poured out our hearts and then listened to God through our family in the room. Soon our supposed to be one morning of the hot seat become three long mornings of tears and joy.

And it was really scary.

But it was really good.

We were made for glory and honor but it was stolen in that garden a long time ago. And ever since we have been looking for glory in other places. But there is freedom. And we have experienced that freedom this week.

We learned we can take off the masks and allow God to give us the true glory and acceptance that we deserve.

Living in Disneyland

I am tired.

I am so emotionally tired right now that my body just wants to collapse. This week has been tough so far. Our topic is “identity”- not easy stuff. We have been talking a lot about the masks we put on and the ways we are just living up to the identities that other people have given us. We have seen a vulnerability to us all that we haven’t seen yet. We all made masks and decorated them however we wanted- no directions at all. Yet even though we all said we didn’t think much about how we painted our masks and didn’t paint them to represent us, it was amazing to see how they all really showed the masks that we put on for others. We all were made to sit in the “hot seat” at the front of the room while our speaker asked us question after question about why we painted each thing and how it represents us…very convicting and hard. Today we sat outside in a circle- not having class- because our speaker refused to go any further with us unless we would open up ourselves and share why we are so afraid to speak out in our group. We are a group filled with fears and with walls built very high around us. So after sitting in awkward silence for a long time- we opened up. And it was good J Things aren’t automatically perfect but they are better and they are on the journey even more now to a stronger family. But the questions of who we all are are still here.

So usually I don’t put just one day up at a time but I just felt like asking you all-

Who are you?

What is your true identity- after the mask is taken off and the walls are broken down?

Our speaker has given us the metaphor of Disneyland- we have all the great, exciting, fun, and almost perfect appearance on the outside but on the inside of it all is the cheap, plastic, and hollow truth. What is your Disneyland?

I am struggling right now with these questions…we all have been told lies and “It doesn’t matter if a lie is true- what matters is if we believe it or not.” What lie are you believing right now and building your identity around?

March 2, 2010

This past weekend was amazing J We basically did nothing and owned the entire base because the staff had their own retreat. But sad part of the weekend- the Swiss team left L We were pretty much begging them to stay with us but for some reason they just had to go. The Orlando team came back the day that the Swiss team left and ever since we have been a little anti-social. The base is suddenly a lot louder and more cramped…This week has been outreach prep week- cant say its been the greatest week of my life but its been good. We have learned some more about where we will be going and what we will be doing. I am soo excited to go on outreach!!! It sounds like its going to a very challenging two months but it will be very growing as well. So to prepare we have been doing some research projects on the Zambia and Johannesburg, preparing dramas/skits, and doing team building exercises.

March 6, 2010

This week has been umm…interesting. It was outreach prep and I can say that I did get a small glimpse of what it is going to be like on outreach prep. Its been an emotional week just to say that at least- a lot of extreme emotional roller coaster rides throughout the entire team. Wednesday was our “fun day” and it was not really anything like it was supposed to me but still was great J We planned to go to some sweet spots outside but it was rainy and super foggy all day. But we were able to start off in the morning going to this really sweet waterfall spot and it was amazing! I’ve been missing fun outdoor adventures so it really helped J After we went to this place called the “Pinnacle” which is an incredible spot to look out at see in this amazing canyon but as we were sitting there this HUGE cloud came and swallowed us up. It made us sad at first but then we decided it was pretty sweet to be able to say we ate lunch in a cloud J The rest of the day it was rainy so we weren’t able to go anywhere else we wanted to, but we had some great ice cream and pancakes and then went to the mall for dinner and a movie. The group I was with went to see this South African movie called “Jozzi” about Johannesburg- umm I wish I could describe this movie haha Lets just say there was no real plot, a lot of feather dusters and druggies, and random fake TV show characters that the main character talked to….BUT I am super glad that I saw it. The Africans all loved it and it was really sweet to see their sense of humor and laugh with them at it.

The rest of this week hasn’t been too exciting- classes, practicing dramas/skits, and team bonding with things like movies and campfires. Today had a “car rally”- aka a scavenger hunt using cars. It was a ton of fun to me! We ended up finished first but because we called for more clues than the other teams we ended up actually in last- but hey our goal was to finish first so we won in our minds J It was really a fun day- despite the cranky pants times haha I made up a song that made my car love me just so much- especially when we were losing J It has been a good week but I have been convicted a lot of needing an attitude adjustment- and I think that’s the same for all of us. I think this week has made us realize more of what it means to love each other- especially when we’ve been with each other for a long time now and know the personality flaws and annoyances of each other J But its something God is teaching us through so its good.

Created for a place I've never known- this is Home.

Our family portrait- isn't this what your family looks like?

Things have been intense this week. The theme for the week has been Repentance and Reconciliation and it has been an emotional week. We have been talking a lot about our different cultures, celebrating their strengths, but also acknowledging their weaknesses. We’ve also learned a lot about our own prejudices and looked at our backgrounds and roots to see where they have come from. Then this morning we talked about forgiveness and how crucial it is for us to be free in Christ. One of the quotes repeated a lot this week is “he that sees the need must take the first step.” If we see areas in our lives, even if it was something done to us, we must take the first step towards reconciliation because we have seen the need. Then for the rest of this morning we spent a couple hours listening to music, praying for one another, washing each other’s feet, and laying down our burdens at the cross. It was a time of strong emotions but in the end it was a time of freedom and release. Then tonight we had our own team worship time. We sang songs- both American and African J, wrote down words of encouragement for each other, and painted a “family portrait”- our own pictures of what we think God sees/wants to see us as. Lesson learned: this is our home right now and we are a family J

Outreach has also been really good this week, but emotional as well. Monday at Kabokweni we went again to Pinkie’s house, but this time her sister Whitney was home so we were able to go inside and see where she has grown up. We also were able to meet her sister and talk with her for a little. Those two girls are an inspiration to me J Wednesday we spent the afternoon at the Iris Children’s village digging trenches- fun fun haha Then this afternoon we went to Dwaleni like normal. I was helping to dish out food for the kids and we were sitting inside as Kacy would just keep saying “Oh some more kids just came” over and over again until we got to the point where we knew there would absolutely not be enough food for the kids. We ran out of each thing one by one until at the end, my bowl of meat and potatoes was simply thrown out for the boys to fight over and hopefully get a handful. It was cute to look at but then realizing the truth of it was heartbreaking. That is some of those kid’s only meal for the day. But afterwards I was able to see my friend from two weeks ago- Nolwazi! She went around looking for me last week when I was sick so I was sure to find her this time. We just talked and played. I learned she has 4 brothers and 4 sisters. Her parents are both still alive but she only sees her dad once a year because he has to live far way for work- this is pretty much normal here. She is such a sweetheart and I don’t like to let myself think of the things that she has seen and had to go through. These people are so beautiful even with everything they have gone through.

February 12, 2010

“The condition for a miracle is not difficulty, but impossibility.” This was one of the biggest lessons that we learned this week. Our speaker for this week has made two movies: “Faith like Potatoes” and “Hansie.” He has challenged us to dream big and let God make our dreams come true. Yesterday we each made movies and today we got to watch them and I must say- they were pretty stinkin sweet J We also had an incredible worship time this morning. Rich showed us a video of a man making an introduction as if he were introducing Jesus. Then we all went around and wrote our own introductions- it was really sweet….each person’s introduction showed their own stories and what God has brought them out of. That is worship J Oh yeah and…for work duty today I think I might have done the grossest thing I’ve ever done in my life. We cleaned the trash pike- who in the world cleans trash?? We do apparently… don’t worry it was just crawling with maggots and had a smell that made me want to throw up the entire time hahaha

February 16, 2010

The past few days have been really great J This weekend we pretty much had completely off and a lot of our leaders were gone for the weekend so it was a very quiet and relaxing weekend- exactly what we all needed I think…a lot of alone time but also time together in the pool and playing games. Sunday some of us went to a different Church and then went out to each and had a little Valentine’s Day photo shoot afterwards…pretty awesome haha Then Sunday we didn’t have community night so we did our little worship night with worship and a time of speaking encouragement into each other- it was really awesome.

Then yesterday might have been my favorite day so far J We started off the morning with base work day- moving bunk beds and cleaning the bathhouse…not the best part haha. But then we went to Miss Elizabeth’s for the afternoon. While we were waiting for the kids to come some of us went with Pinkie for a walk. She took us to her house, we met her neighbors, we visited a school, and then while walking back we met some of the kids going to feeding program so we walked back with them. The kids always dance and sing before they eat and this time we just joined on in with them all!! And it was sweet J It was so much fun! Then for work duties when we got back our group had to wash all of the cars on base….it could have been lame if we didn’t spend the majority of the time throwing buckets of water and spraying the hose on each other J Last night we also had a meeting about issues with unity of our team and it brought out a lot that needed to be said. And I have to say that last night I had some of the best times of conversation with people yet- ending with all of us girls crammed into two beds chatting and goofing off.

And…this morning was also great J This week our theme is the character and nature of God but surprise…our speaker isn’t here yet haha So we wrote down on a piece of paper things we should stop and start to grow closer to God and also what we think God wants us to do. Then we watched a video about God and how much He just wants us to be with Him and enjoy Him. Afterwards we were told to take our papers that we made, rip them up, and throw them out. The whole point was while God may have things He wants us to work on or fix, what He really wants is us J

February 18, 2010

Another week of unexpected adventures in Africa J Yesterday we went to the school and feeding program that is a part of the Iris Ministries we usually go to on Wednesday. We left only to have our van break down within ten minutes. We then had to spend the next half hour walking straight uphill in the rain- TIA. We were supposed to be doing home visits but couldn’t because of the rain. So instead we met the students of the Bible school and watched two of the guys give us a show of their puppet show ministry J Today we had our official start of lecture with David Song this week. The theme is the “Character and Nature of God” so we spent the morning just doing some intro. Oh and…we also learned how to take a “Wipe-less Poo”- very important information haha.

February 21, 2010

I love weekends J This was such an awesome weekend- BEST weekend ever!! We had class Saturday during most of the day but then after it was done we left for Girl’s Night! All of the girls from our group and all of the girls from the entire base went over to one our leaders house’s that is off base. We ate a ton of awesome food, painted our toenails awesome colors, watched movies, did facial, and just chatted a ton and it was so great J We had some really awesome conversations throughout the night and I felt like some serious walls came down with some people. Then Brittany and I shared a bed for the night next to the bathroom so we just laid there guessing who was going to the bathroom each time. Today was also an awesome day. We all went to Church in the morning and then the girls went to some markets nearby and lunch afterwards. Kacy tried banana and bacon pizza-apparently normal here…who knows. Tonight we had a campfire where we worshiped together, prayed for each other, and made some yummy smores. Then some of us went to the giant rock on base and just hung out under the amazing sky of stars- yeah and amazing weekend J

Some pictures : )

My friends and I from Dwaleni : )

Yeah we are super concerned about safety....

I pretty much love this girl- Sandile : )

Umm yeah we wash cars really well...and dont get wet at all in the process...

"Cleaning" the trash...

Our Valentines photo shoot after Church : )

Putting up the beam to start the prayer hut

February 6, 2010

Well I am sitting here after getting off the phone with my mom telling me about the foot of snow back at home while my face and arms are hurting from my sunburn J But anyway…yesterday and today have been pretty great. We had “creative expression” yesterday morning. One of the core values of YWAM is creativity so we have some random times of drawing, doing crafts or whatever and it sounds like something I did in kindergarten but its really pretty awesome haha. Then we had the rest of the day off yesterday. Most people went into town, but a small group of us went to the mall for ice cream and a movie. It was a relaxing day which was really nice to have.

Then today we had community outreach and it was pretty much the best yet J We went to this place called “Michael’s Children Village” run by a ministry called Iris. They take in children that come from really rough backgrounds- usually brought to them by Social Services. A lot of them have been abused- both physically or emotionally, abandoned, mistreated, and so on. It really was heartbreaking to hear their stories while looking these amazingly beautiful children in the face. We met a little baby named Welcome when we first got there. We all guess that Welcome was about 6 months old, only to find out he is 19 months old. He is a tiny little boy and was brought to the village in August after being abandoned at the hospital. He came while being extremely malnourished and sick with pneumonia and Tuberculosis. Those have been taken care of but he also has been diagnosed with HIV. But he now looks happy and playful, and he’s just an adorable little boy. It’s so hard to imagine how someone could leave him in that condition. But…when we there we actually didn’t all spend all of our time with the kids. They needed jobs done around the property, so we split up into groups. My group helped to dig holes and then set up giant wooden beams to be the foundation for a huge giant hut outside. We actually had to recruit guys to help put up the center beam because we needed like ten people to help put it up. But it was really nice to be outside and do something physical and tangibly helping people. Just ended the day with some sun burn J

February 8, 2010

Yesterday was our fun Sunday that lasted a lot longer than usual. Sunday morning felt like a day in itself. It was over 90 degrees in an already hot Church with a very tired and slow crowd. Lets just say there was a lot of sweat, hungry stomachs, and children sleeping…but then community Sunday started! We spent the afternoon/evening swimming in the pool, eating tacos, playing ultimate Frisbee, and watching Saved by the Bell episodes J It was different now that the Orlando team is gone and the Switzerland is here, but it was still great. Then last night a small group of us decided we weren’t going to miss out on the SuperBowl. So since it was a live game, we went over to someone’s house at 1:00 AM and watched the game until it was over at 5:00 AM- probably the quietest SuperBowl I have ever watched. It wasn’t quite the same without the crazy commercials from the States, but it was still pretty sweet- and we aren’t tired at all today J

This week is going to be another interesting week. Our speaker for the week cancelled last minute so we really aren’t sure what we are doing. But this morning we painted pictures of things that we think resemble ourselves and then we shared them with each other. It was actually really cool to see how each painting reflected each person. Then this afternoon we went to Kabokweni- which we will be going to every Monday afternoon from now on. We helped with the feeding program but it was so much better this time because we are finally getting to know the kids a little.

February 11, 2010

So every week I think it just think it cant get any faster and somehow it does haha This week has been crazy fast but pretty good. Our speaker came on Wednesday and he has made some movies so on Tuesday morning we watched the movie “Faith Like Potatoes” that he made. Then yesterday he started speaking to us and, he talked about finding our purpose and calling in life. It was pretty good- he gave us some ways to find our purpose and told his own stories of how God has directed his life. Then yesterday afternoon we got to go back to the Children’s village! This time my group cut down trees- yay! Haha My legs just have a few cuts on them J Then last night my small group went to see “The Princess and the Frog.” I will just say there is nothing like driving through Africa, blasting music, windows down, eating McDonalds J We were all pretty content. Then we spent the afternoon in Dwaleni with the feeding program there. It gets better every time that we go and spend more time with the kids. Today they taught me some hand games and they also tried to teach me to dance- most of the time was spent listening to them laugh at me but soon I will be a true African dancer J haha

February 2, 2010

This is a tiring week. For class today we spent the entire morning answering the age-old tough questions about God like, “How does a good God allow evil?” “If God if just, why does He allow injustice?” “Why does God allow innocent people to suffer?”- yano simple easy questions….not. So it’s a mentally and emotionally challenging week. But the good thing is that I just had my small group and now I’m free until 4:00 for work duties- there are a lot of us just updating blogs and checking e-mails while listening to music.

February 4, 2010

It’s been a tiring week but good at the same time J Our week of classes has been…interesting…I’ll just say it wasn’t exactly what we all expected. But we did watch the Passion of the Christ last night which was a bonding time for our team I think. That is one of those movies that affects you no matter how many times you watch it. Yesterday we had some interesting experiences in the community. We went to help with a Kid’s Club in the high school in the Mbonisweni community. So we got there at like 1:05 and had to leave at 2. At 1:50 we realized we hadn’t started anything and had to leave in 10 minutes-TIA. So then we walked through the community to the Church to help with a Girl’s and Boy’s Club. We each wrote down different questions to ask the teens and then helped them to apply the ideas to their Christian walks. We actually had some really good conversations. Then this afternoon we helped with another feeding program in the community of Dwaleni. I got to help hand out drinks to the kids. Today there were about 50-60 kids that were fed. Then we played silly games and sang songs with the kids. We also had a fun little hair salon where all of us girls got some very nice braided hairstyles J It was fun to actually be able to spend time with the kids. Then tonight after dinner- one of our leaders brought us some real coffee back to the base. How long was it until we were on our way to the kitchen? Umm…about 5 minutes J And then after class we spent just a little time playing cards and laughing since we were hyped up on caffeine- fun night haha

We also found out about our outreach (last two months) here today! We will be spending the first four weeks in Zambia. We will be staying in an area around a lake so we have been told that we will even be going to a lot of places that can only be reached by boat. There are a lot of ministries that they do so we will probably get to do a lot of things but then also focus on kids a little more too. We have been told that this will be our “rural” experience- maybe sleeping in tents, eating rice and beans every day, wearing only skirts…it will be an experience that’s for sure J Then we are going to spend three weeks in Johannesburg working with a ministry that deals a lot with street children and orphans. I’m sure we will have some stories to tell afterwards haha.

January 29, 2010

We are finished our first week of class! This week was really incredible. Today we just spent the entire morning first writing down the passions God has given us, and then our teacher for the week prayed over each of us individually and we all just prayed over each other and spoke to each other about how God wants to use us. It was a really awesome time of people just dreaming of what’s after these five months and what they can do with the rest of their lives. It really helped me to see once again the passion God has given me for children that have been quieted and shut out- those who need someone to open them up to talk and play and simply live. I still have no idea how to do that but the spark has been started again haha.

Yesterday a bunch of us spent the afternoon in town- we got some snacks, greasy KFC, and mango J It was fun to actually get off base and spend time out in the community. We have the afternoon off again so we are all catching up on emails, sleep, and journaling. And highlight of today- the work with the bricks is done!! Yay! No more hauling bricks- we hope at least! Haha

January 30, 2010

New phrase of my life: TIA- this is Africa….Today we had planned to help run a VBS at a local Church nearby. So- We are sitting around ready to go and we find out that we are leaving a half hour later than we thought. So we make a sweet video of ourselves to kill time. Then a half hour later we find out we aren’t going at all…But there is a possibility of us going on a prayer walk in the communities nearby. So we sit and wait to hear about that. Soon we are sitting in a truck going to the Church for the prayer walk J-TIA- But it was really good. The group that I was with ended up meeting a soccer team that was in the middle of practice and first we prayed for them, and then they prayed for us. Lennon- from our DTS team- was in our group and he is from the community we were in so it was really interesting to hear him talking about the people and the problems that they face.

February 1, 2010

Well the rain has left and it has become stinkin hot- TIA. Yesterday we went to Church and some of us had an interesting experience....so we this little girl sits next to us and starts playing with me- fun, right? Well soon this little girl with the sweet little smile is pulling at our hair, taking our water bottles and cameras and then trying to bite us when we take our things back, putting her hand around our throat and squeezing, and so many other wonderful friends….haha great J Then last night we had community night- the theme of the night was dreams. We shared with each other what our one dream would be if we money was no option. Then we each made bracelets and gave them to someone else to symbolize the fact that we are going to hold on to our dreams and that relationships and community are a key part of our dream. This morning during all base worship we continued on with the theme of dreams. We drew pictures of our dreams and hung them all up. On another note, a picture of what we do for fun in Africa- we spent about half an hour looking at this huge spider in its web and feeding it moths- yeah things are different here J

Today we started our second week of classes- the theme for the week is “Father Heart of God.” The rumor is that it’s a tough week- a lot of realizing our misconceptions of God and changing our views. Then we had our first real community outreach today! We went into the feeding center that this woman Elizabeth runs. While waiting for the kids to come back from school some of us went over to the day care next door- only to be bombarded by a ton of children all wanting to hug us and to be held J Then we helped/hung out with the kids at the feeding program. A highlight of the afternoon- I am now an African women complete with braids covering my head J haha

Here are some pictures finally : )

The soccer team we prayed for on our prayer walk through the community- they were the Tigers...hence the claws

Picking avocados off the tree on base- was quite the adventure : )

No more bricks!!

My buddy from Church : )

Right before we decided to back up and let the elephant cross the road...

Just a lion chillin in Kruger Park

The view from our base : )

The house that we are staying in-the area to the left of the door is where our room is