God met me last weekend.

“Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead. Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go.”

I have [seen].

I am –responsible-

And this is where the struggle within me comes.

I don’t know stories anymore- I have friends. I have brothers and sisters. I see faces. I feel their pain. I have a nine-year old friend in Johannesburg- he is full of life and energy, a beautiful boy worthy of so much love. But his mother doesn’t feel that way. His mother can’t even remember to pick him up afterschool. I have another friend in Zambia- a beautiful 5 year old boy. He has a blank stare that hides more pain and despair than I will ever know.

But here I am- in Grove City, PA. I am not there. I cannot hug them. I cannot hold them. I cannot tell them that I love them.

This is my struggle. God has called me here, but my flesh wants to be there.

This weekend, God met me head-on in this struggle. My heart was broken for what seems like the millionth time. I spent hours creating a walkway in my school filled with pictures, stories, and statistics like these:

One child dies every 5 seconds from preventable diseases.

Approximately [15 million children under 18] have lost one or both parents to AIDS.

Nearly one million people die every year from malaria, most of these children younger than 5 years old.

I spent the day in tears- but for the first time these tears were not purely for these children and their stories. I was overwhelmed by the relentless and tender compassion of God- of Jesus Christ. I saw people broken, in tears, for their brothers and sisters around the world. I saw people seeking and desiring to act. And most of all, I saw walls crashing down around people’s hearts- leaving room for the Heavenly Father to enter in and bring His compassion.

I heard God’s gentle whisper saying to me:

“Kelly, there is no division between what you have seen and where you are right now. I have sons and daughters hurting and dying here- where you are. Show them my hope. Show them my compassion. The pain that you feel is not yours- it comes from me. It comes from my broken heart, in anguish for my children. And right now my heart is also breaking for these people- for the father down the street that can’t feed his children, for the teenager scared to tell her parents she’s pregnant, for the woman cleaning your bathrooms who has never been told about My love…they are crying out. The world is hurting- the children in Africa and the people in front of your eyes. Feed my sheep.”

God met me- in my pride, selfishness, and pain.

I am here- for a purpose, a perfect purpose from my Heavenly Daddy.

And again, I hear with new meaning the words- “Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead.”